How To Avoid Parental Gaslighting: 5 Effective Tips For Parents!

Parental Gaslighting

As someone who has been blamed for the mistakes my parents made, I sit down to write this blog to address the issue of gaslighting children. It might be completely unconscious to you and that is why it is all the more important to actively look into it. 

Invalidation and the lack of acknowledgment are the backbones of parental gaslighting. In the minds of the parents, they become the victim and their child the abuser. It might seem obvious but parental gaslighting is a severe form of manipulation. 

Researchers have associated gaslighting children with the same as that bullying they face in school. In my opinion, it is high time for us as a society to address this issue. It might seem the norm in your childhood but gaslighting is traumatic for children of all ages. 

So if you are a parent and you think you are gaslighting your kids, I ask you to read through this article and take the steps necessary to protect your child. It’s a personal message from someone who has been gaslighted their entire childhood. 

What Does Parental Gaslighting Actually Mean?

Parental gaslighting involves psychological manipulation by a parent or caregiver, causing a child to doubt their memory, perception, or judgment. This form of emotional abuse can manifest in various ways, including through specific phrases and behaviors that undermine the child’s sense of reality.

One of the most common phrases parents use to gaslight their kids is, “You are making a big deal out of nothing” or something like “The reason for my criticism is because I love you”. But it does just stick to constructive criticism now does it? 

Read more: Parental Gaslighting: How Parents Gaslight Their Children And Break Their Hearts

This is what parental gaslighting is. You start completely invalidating your child’s feelings and emotions. Some parents even feel like they can control how their child is feeling, for example, “You are not frustrated you are just tired.” This can make kids question their feelings. 

Growing up in a single-parent household, one of the most harmful and most common things I heard was, “You are just like your father!” Do you understand the harm it does to your kid? They start blaming themselves for your divorce and develop deep relationship traumas that can destroy your child’s ability to form meaningful relationships. 

The root causes of parental gaslighting behavior can be varied. It may stem from the parent’s upbringing, where they were modeled similar behaviors. Now ask yourself, am I doing these things? Remember acknowledging a mistake is the path to rectifying it. 

Helpful Tips For Parents To Avoid Gaslighting Children

As someone who has experienced a childhood affected by gaslighting, I want to share some critical insights with parents to help them avoid similar behaviors with their children:

1. Try to respect your child’s needs

We are all different human beings and we all have different needs and wants. It might seem simple, but I have seen parents fighting for their dear lives to get a grasp on this concept. I understand that you want the best for your children. But do they want the same thing? 

In my opinion, sometimes taking a step back helps to widen your field of view. It helps you to look at and understand different topics and issues. Well, it is the same with children. It might sound trivial to you but that “fluffy blanket” has more importance to your child than you realize. 

I cannot stress this enough but the denial of your child’s feelings makes them lose their trust towards you. This often leads to parental alienation and you may even completely lose contact with your child in the future. So you must take note now!

Read More: How To Raise A Child? 5 Step Guide For Raising Happy Kids

2. Be a motivator, not a criticizer

Criticism may be the highest form of motivation, but it’s important to balance this positive reinforcement. Your criticisms may come from a place of care and love but it does not have the same impact that you may be hoping. 

One of the most vague things I have heard is, “I criticize you because I love you!” This can confuse the living out of an adult let alone your toddler!

What I recommend is a more constructive approach. You must criticize the ‘wrong actions’ of your child. But it can go a further distance if you pair it up with the model behavior you want in your children! 

You are a source of empathy and care for your child not a drill sergeant! It’s more beneficial to offer constructive feedback that’s given with empathy and support. This kind of feedback focuses on specific behaviors or actions, not the child as a person. 

You want your child to grow and develop and rectify their mistakes not to start asking about their existence and reality. Being a source of constant criticism you lose their respect and even if you have legitimate criticism, the constant scolding does not make a difference anymore. 

It’s about guiding them towards better choices and helping them learn from their mistakes, not making them feel bad about themselves.

3. They are still children, not adults

It might seem obvious but parents seem to forget that their kids are still just children! Your expectation that your child should behave more ‘maturely’ is doing more harm than good. And it’s high time that you realize this. 

Imagine this: You might want to visit your neighbor or set up a backyard barbecue on the 4th of July whereas your child might find fireworks more entertaining. Expecting an 8-year-old to behave the same way as a 28-year-old, is an extreme form of parental gaslighting. 

You need to understand that children, due to their stage in development, have different needs, interests, and ways of interacting with the world compared to adults. Expecting them to behave like an adult may seem unfair and unrealistic! This creates a sense of inadequacy in your child making them question their feelings and emotions. 

As parents, it’s essential to recognize and embrace your child’s developmental stage. This understanding allows you to provide the support and environment they need to grow and learn effectively

Read More: 20 Candid Revelations On Things Parents Dislike About Kids

4. They have their own life experiences, respect them

Recognizing and respecting the unique life experiences of children is a vital aspect of nurturing and empathetic parenting.

Children, even at a young age, accumulate their own set of experiences, feelings, and perspectives. These experiences are formative and play a significant role in their personal development.

Parents need to understand that their children’s experiences are valid and significant, even if they seem minor or trivial from an adult’s perspective. For example, a child’s first day at school, their interactions with friends, or their experiences in a new activity are all significant events in their world. Listening to and valuing their stories and feelings about these experiences shows that you respect and acknowledge their individuality.

This respect for their experiences helps children develop a strong sense of self. It encourages them to open up about their feelings and thoughts, knowing that they will be taken seriously. This not only strengthens the parent-child bond but also fosters a safe environment where children can express themselves without fear of dismissal or judgment.

5. Understand that times have changed

Understanding that times have changed is crucial for effective parenting. As a parent, you’re raising children in a world that’s significantly different from the one you grew up in. Embracing this change doesn’t just mean keeping up with the latest trends or technology; it involves recognizing that the social, cultural, and technological landscape your children are navigating is new territory.

You need to be aware of how digital advancements, like social media and online platforms, influence your child’s life. Their way of learning, interacting, and entertainment is different from what you experienced. This digital era brings unique opportunities for learning and connection, but it also introduces challenges like online safety and the impact of social media on mental health.

Moreover, societal values and conversations around topics like mental health, inclusivity, and diversity have evolved. Your children are exposed to these discussions earlier and in more depth than you might have been. Being open and informed about these issues will help you guide your children more effectively and empathetically.

However, amidst all these changes, the essence of parenting – providing love, support, understanding, and guidance – remains constant. The key for you as a parent is to apply these timeless principles in a way that resonates with the modern contexts your children are part of.

Read More: What Is Childhood Trauma? 4 Signs of Lingering Childhood Hurt

A Word From Mind Family

As we conclude this discussion on avoiding gaslighting children, it’s essential to reflect on the insights shared. From Mind Family, we want to reiterate that understanding and modifying our parenting approaches can significantly impact our children’s emotional and psychological well-being.

The points discussed in this article are more than just guidelines. They represent a shift in mindset that is crucial for the healthy development of our children.

Parental gaslighting, often unintentional yet profoundly harmful, can distort a child’s sense of reality and self-worth. By being more conscious of our interactions and the words we use, we can prevent this. It’s about creating an environment of trust, understanding, and encouragement, where our children can grow into confident, well-adjusted adults.

Every step you take as a parent towards understanding and nurturing your child’s individuality and emotional needs is a step towards a healthier, more harmonious family dynamic. Remember, the goal is not to be perfect but to be aware, and empathetic, and continuously strive for improvement.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. What is parental gaslighting?

Parental gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a parent causes their child to question their memories, perception, or judgment. It often involves invalidating the child’s feelings and experiences, leading to confusion and self-doubt in the child.

2. How to avoid gaslighting children?

To avoid gaslighting children, respect their feelings and experiences, offer constructive feedback instead of criticism, understand their developmental stage, and adapt to their needs. It’s about creating an environment of trust and understanding, encouraging open communication and empathy.

3. Can parents gaslight their children?

Yes, parents can gaslight their children, often unintentionally. It occurs when they dismiss, trivialize, or question the child’s feelings and experiences, leading to the child doubting their reality. Being aware of this behavior and its impact is crucial for preventing it.

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Fewer People Are Having Kids: Here Are 10 Reasons Why!

Fewer People Are Having Kids

The decision to start a family or remain child-free is deeply personal, shaped by a variety of factors ranging from financial constraints to personal health and societal shifts. 

This trend is influenced by a multitude of factors that vary across different regions and socioeconomic backgrounds. 

Below are ten key reasons why fewer people are having kids. We will also give you reasons why starting a family is important for you. 

10 Reasons Why Fewer People Are Having Kids

Up Next

10 Helpful Tips on How To Get Organized And Clean Up!

How To Get Organized

Whether it’s keeping track of school schedules, managing household chores, or finding time for family activities, organization is key to maintaining a peaceful and productive home. 

But organizing your home isn’t just about tidying up; it’s about creating systems that work for you and your family, reducing stress, and making daily life smoother and more enjoyable.

This article is here to help you how to get organized. We’ve put together 10 practical and fun tips that will not only help you get your home in order but will also involve your kids in the process. 

10 Helpful Tips For How To Get Organized

Up Next

Why Fatherhood Is Good For Men: 10 Things You Should Know! 

Why Fatherhood Is Good For Men

Fatherhood is often portrayed through a variety of lenses—cultural ideals, personal anecdotes, and societal expectations. While the focus is often on how fatherhood impacts children, it’s equally important to recognize why fatherhood is good for men. 

In this article, we delve into ten compelling reasons why fatherhood is not just good for children but immensely beneficial for men as well. Whether you’re a new father or an experienced dad, understanding why fatherhood is good for men can help you appreciate the role of a father. 

Here Are Ten Reasons Why Fatherhood Is Good For Men 

Up Next

10 Effective and Creative Rewards For Kids Parents Must Know

Creative Rewards For Kids

It is natural for parents to find creative rewards for kids to motivate them to become the best version of themselves. 

It could be related to doing the assignments, assisting with chores, or just showing respect to others. In such cases, kids need to be appreciated and positively reinforced so that the behavior can be repeated in the future.

In this article, we are going to provide you with 10 fun and creative rewards for kids. They are not about buying a lollipop or a new toy for your child, these are about how to make them want to work.

So let’s begin!

Importance of Giving Rewards To Kids

Up Next

10 Effective Self-Acceptance Activities For Kids And Exercises

Self-Acceptance Activities For Kids

Children are always exposed to comparisons, expectations, and pressures that can affect their self-regard and self-worth. Consequently, parents, guardians, or even teachers must build children up by teaching them how to accept themselves.

Teaching self-acceptance to children using self-acceptance activities for kids is an awesome way to develop your child’s mental perseverance and help them recognize their self-worth!

In this article, we will examine ten self-acceptance activities for kids. These practical self-acceptance activities for children not only enable kids to identify what they are good at but also equip them with ways of dealing with life confidently.

So let us begin!

Up Next

10 Helpful Tips For Parenting Teen Boys Every Parent Should Know!

Parenting teen boys

Parenting teen boys is like walking in the dark in an unknown land. This stage of adolescence goes hand in hand with a lot of social, emotional, and physical development.

It is normal for boys in their teenage to act in some way as they find themselves, come of age, or deal with the pressures of growing up.

It is important to know how to deal with and in what way those behaviors need to be addressed to avoid conflicts and maintain a healthy relationship.

This article will provide helpful tips for raising teenage boys. These 10 helpful tips for raising teenage boys will allow you to address the holistic growth and development of your child. 

So let’s begin!

Up Next

10 Weird Parenting Practices Our Society Accepts as Normal

Weird Parenting Practices

Did you ever pause to ask yourself why we do the Weird parenting practices we do as parents?

Or maybe, why our society has come to accept these weird parenting practices as “right” ways of bringing up children?

In this article, we will be examining ten weird parenting practices that have been strangely normalized even though they may not always make any sense.

But, maybe it’s about time we pondered whether or not these so called norms actually serve the best interests of our children – if at all they are just customs that have taken root in us without much thought.

So let’s get started on some weird parenting practices and see how we can change course to bring up rounded individuals who are happy and healthy.

What is Ectopic Pregnancy Five Alarming Early Signs Weird Parenting Practices Our Society Accepts as Normal Best Disney Dads Who Teach Us The True Meaning of Love Best Video Games To Play With Your Parents Join the Fun